Emotion Alert System
All emotions are natural, and our emotion alert system is a necessary part of the life experience. It’s our thoughts and behavioral responses to our emotions that we often struggle with most. Following up a podcast interview I did recently where we discussed emotions, I wanted to elaborate.
Essentially, a common sentiment I often hear is that certain emotions are “bad” and others are “good”. Usually, it’s the distressing emotions that carry the negative label - anger, frustration, anxiety, rage. While the others - happiness, joy, gratitude - are the ultimate states in which we wish to live. In reality, every single one of our emotions are natural, and informative responses to our daily life.
Let’s talk about these mislabeled “bad” emotions. Instead of labeling them as negative or unhelpful, what if we took a second to identify the issue to which they may be alerting us. Anxiety is often an indicator that we have mismanaged something in our world. For myself, I tend to be anxious and/or overwhelmed when I have taken on too many tasks, started worrying about tomorrow instead of remaining in the present, and/or am focused on the opinions of others. Anger is often an indicator of a boundary violation of some sort. For example, clients will often identify the feeling of anger as it relates to being treated unfairly or experiencing an abuse of some kind. In my own experience, anger is often the tip of an iceberg of other emotions such as hurt, disappointment, or maybe even shame.
Somewhere along the way, it became quite normal to “only want to be happy”. I have seen this translate to ignoring any distressing emotions. When we do this, we do not give ourselves time to acknowledge the situations in our world that need to be addressed for us to truly experience growth, peace, and contentment. Instead, we sometimes opt for artificial external illusions of happiness to suppress the experience of anything uncomfortable. It.Is.Okay.To.Not.Be.Okay. This is such an important message to accept.
The reality is, pretending to be happy is still not happy. If we take a moment to acknowledge our emotions, and address the situations in our world that are leading us to these emotions we can work towards resolving them. Instead of thinking of some emotions as “bad”, let’s consider them our body’s natural alert system.
We wouldn’t ignore a tornado warning, a fire alarm, or the smell of smoke in our home. Let’s not ignore our body’s systems that are telling us something isn’t right.
It is also important to recognize that we can experience more than one emotion at the same time. I can be grateful to have a job, and frustrated that things are not going as planned, and hopeful for a new project in the same job that frustrates me. At the end of the day, it is what I do with my emotions that often makes us quite uncomfortable. Some of us have never witnessed a healthy expression of anger, so we have labeled the emotions as bad. When in reality, if I decide to shred bills by hand instead of using a shredder, or take up boxing with a trainer to process through my feelings of anger, there isn’t necessarily anything unhealthy about that. If I decide to take a nap when I’m overwhelmed, it does not necessarily mean I’ve fallen into the depths of despair. However, for someone else, it could be a sign that things are quite off. This is why it’s so important to seek the advice of a mental health professional if you have any concerns.
While I am a firm believer that absolutely everyone could benefit from therapy, I would also encourage you not to diagnose yourself. Depressed and anxious are actual emotions that most everyone experiences at some point in their life. However, it does not necessarily mean I now have a mental health diagnosis of the same name. Medical doctors have strongly encouraged us to stop google-ing our symptoms. Let me encourage you not to diagnose yourself, but by all means see a therapist if you notice distressing emotions have become your primary emotions. If you have any questions or concerns about your emotions, thoughts, or behaviors - call a therapist!