February Resolutions?
Another January has almost passed. I’m curious what happened to those New Year Goals of yours? The 2021 intentions? New new you or new year same you? Whether your goal was to exercise 3x a week, yell at your kids less, or be kinder to yourself, where do you stand today?
The reality is you can start a new habit whenever you want. I know exactly why I don’t try to start any new goals between late November and the end of the year. I have no desire to give up baking (and eating that baking), Hallmark holiday movies, unnecessary holiday attire purchases, or cheesy displays of holiday cheer. However, January - mid November is fair game.
You know that you can start a new intention, you can create a new habit - right now?
WHO do you want to be?
Define your identity. Identify where you want to go. How would you want other people to describe you. What feeling do you want to leave other people with after they engage with you?
HOW do you want to experience your life?
Identify what emotions you want to experience and engage in regularly. Identify what experiences, yes even the simple seemingly small experiences, bring about those emotions for you.
WHAT is most important to you?
Identify what it is that you *need* in your life. At the end of the day, what is actually the most important thing?
If you start by answering those questions, and your answers don’t align with your life right now - there’s your start. When your life doesn’t align with the answers to your questions, this can also be where we experience an increase of distressing emotions. On some level, we know things are off and our feelings reflect that unconscious awareness.
In order to do your Who, How, and What, you must also identify how you are going to take care of you this year? Even if your goal or calling or dream is to serve other people, be present for your family, and/or thrive at work - if you’re falling apart you’re not going to be able to do any of those things.
I grew up in church. I also grew up in the south. Oftentimes there were very confusing messages about this idea of taking care of yourself. I’m not sure what value system you were raised with - but your body, your mind, and your spirit must be nourished to be able to do whatever you feel called/led/inspired to do.
Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish. To be selfish is to not care about anyone else other than yourself. I swear to you that I would never eat a single vegetable if it weren’t for the fact that I loved my mom and little brothers. Without them I would live a life of chocolate chip cookies, captain crunch, bacon, and apple slices. Not only do I want to live, I want to keep up with them for as long as possible. Unfortunately...this cannot be done with sugar and bacon alone.
So yeah, I meal plan and drink green crap in the morning. If my body falls apart (at my own hands at that), then I really will not have capacity for much (or anyone) else. Green crap serves me well. I hate that ish, but it serves me well.
Taking a day off to rest my soul and mind allows me to continue to put one foot in front of the other, to hopefully do good work to better my community. So yes, I am going to take the days off. I am going to read fiction. I am going to eat good food (and sometimes Captain Crunch). I am going to buy the off-brand exercise bike because now I do cardio 4x a week. (Lupus, arthritis, and winter simply do not mix, this generic exercise bike has been a gift from above for sure.)
As you assess your “Who”, “How”, and “What” for today, tomorrow, and the next day. Don’t forget that you may need to make space for you. You may need to make space for what brings you rest, what nourishes your soul, and what strengthens your mind. This does not mean you forego all of your responsibilities. I’m not going to stop feeding my dog because, “my soul needs Captain Crunch right now”. I am going make *realistic* space for what I need, while acknowledging what my responsibilities are.
This means I am going to acknowledge my responsibilities to my family, my career, and some of my other roles. While also recognizing that it actually does my soul more to wake up early and prioritize quiet time and exercise. I get a little less sleep yet, my spirit is actually better for it. It means that sometimes I prioritize FaceTime calls with friends at creative times when our schedules align, over laying on my couch after work. That’s both a relational need, and something that does my heart good.
Doing what we need to does not necessarily equate to what is most comfortable in the now. Working toward your goals, at the beginning of the year or beginning of February, is not easy nor convenient. It does mean making conscious decisions that answer the questions: Who do I want to be? How do I want to experience my life? What is most important to me? These are the steps on the journey toward a whole life.